John Piper wrote a book called This Momentary Marriage.
It’s a good title, but I hate it.
“Romance, sex, and childbearing are temporary gifts of God,” he writes. “They are not part of the next life. And they are not guaranteed even for this life.”[1]
No matter how long a marriage might last, it will eventually end. As one of my friends once said, almost every marriage will one day end in heartbreak. One partner will most likely stand by the casket of the other. For some of us, we may face the dissolution of our marriage through divorce—not anything we would have contemplated the day that we made our vows.
Every marriage is temporary.
I hate this reality because I love my marriage. Most of the time, I’d love to stay married to Char forever. Every marriage has rough patches, but most days, it’s unthinkable that my marriage won’t last forever.
Many married men will be single again one day. Maybe you already are. This isn’t a pleasant thought, but it is an important truth, and here are some steps we can take to cope.
Before Your Marriage Ends
First, if you’re still married, remind yourself to enjoy it while you have it. This is one of the points of Ecclesiastes 12:1-7: the good days won’t last as long as you think, so enjoy them while you can! Enjoy the wife of your youth for all the time you have together (Proverbs 5:18-19).
Second, love God even more than your marriage. Marriage is a gift from God, but any of God’s gifts can become an idol if we start to love it more than we love God Himself. The best way to love our wives is to love God more and ultimately find our happiness in Him. Even the best wife and the best marriage will let us down, either through disappointment or, sadly and more finally, by one of us dying. Only God is consistent and faithful enough to never let us down, so we ultimately look to Him. You may lose your spouse, but if you’re a follower of Christ, you’ll never lose Him and the comfort He brings (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).
Third, prepare. The very day you took your marriage vows, you talked about the day that your marriage would end. You probably said, “Till death do us part.” You knew the day that you got married that your marriage would end one day, but it probably seemed a long time away.
Moses taught us to ask God to teach us to number our days so that we gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12). That includes our marriage. Ask God to teach you that your time with your wife is limited and that you should prepare for it to end one day.
When Your Marriage Ends
Then, when your marriage ends, take time to fully mourn. Jesus mourned when a close friend died (John 11:35). We can cry too. The Psalms are especially helpful for teaching guys like us how to put words to our grief. Look for the psalms of lament, and honestly express your grief to God.
But—make sure you keep living. In the Bible, Abraham, Jacob, and Judah were widowers. Christian writers and leaders like C.S. Lewis and R.C. Sproul lived longer than their wives. Lewis even wrote a book about losing his wife called A Grief Observed, which many others have found helpful. “Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape,” he said.[2]
I knew a man who not only outlived his wife but many of his friends. He often wondered why. I don’t know the answer, but I do know that we were grateful for his presence with us. If we’re alive, God has us here to serve Him and others. Keep living and keep blessing others.
Finally, if your Christian wife has died, look forward to seeing her again. We don’t mourn as those who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). Your wife is with the Lord, and you will see her once again.
One way or another, every marriage will end. I don’t like this reality, but I can’t avoid it, and neither can you.
If you’re married, you or your wife will likely be single again, so it makes sense to cherish your marriage while you have it and wisely prepare one day to say goodbye.
God is still with you and will never let you down, even on the hardest day when you have to say goodbye. He will be with you through all of it, with all the grace and strength you need.
[1] Piper, John. This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence. Crossway. Kindle Edition. Location 138.
[2] Lewis, C. S. The Complete Works of C. S. Lewis: Fantasy Classics, Science Fiction Novels, Religious Studies, Poetry, Speeches & Autobiography: The Chronicles of Narnia, … Letters, Mere Christianity, Miracles… (p. 4269). e-artnow. Kindle Edition.
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