It happens in every ministry.
There are people who we are trying to minister to that create difficulties in leading the ministry forward.
You are reading this because, in your ministry, you want to disciple men and reach more men for Jesus, and yet some men seem to create problems or divert your attention away from the mission.
Here are a few types of difficult guys that we often see in ministry to men:
- The “Me, Me, Me” guy. This person is placing their personal ambition and preferences above the ministry’s mission. They get upset for the wrong reasons and are not putting their full energy into accomplishing God’s plans because they are too focused on getting their own way.
- The “Inappropriate Jokes” guy. This is the guy who teases and makes jokes and comments to and in front of the other guys. They don’t realize they are making the space unsafe for sharing and vulnerability. They think they’re being funny and teasing in a light-hearted way, but they are actually being insensitive and shutting down authenticity in the group.
- The “Oversharing” guy. This is the guy who dominates the discussion, making sure they are heard and that few others can be. Some guys share too much information with a group and may need to share it with only one guy. These guys don’t give anyone else room to share, or else make guys uncomfortable and less likely to share.
There are obviously other challenging types of guys than just these three, but you get the idea.
“What you tolerate becomes the norm” is a wise adage you should take to heart in ministry. When you see behaviors hindering the ministry’s mission, you must act quickly and directly.
What you tolerate becomes the norm.
Here are three things you can do to deal with difficult guys in your ministry:
1. Clearly state the mission and vision in every meeting. Every gathering begins with the “why” and the “what” of the ministry. Why do we gather as a men’s ministry, and what do we want to see happen over time? This is the mission and vision. You need to articulate this every time you meet. Vision has a way of being forgotten, so it is important to realign the guys every time you get together. This constant reminder can help those challenging guys get back on board.
2. Take the difficult guy aside and address their behavior. Do it privately so you don’t embarrass them (Matthew 18:15). Talk with them about how they can help to accomplish the mission. Identify the problem behavior and then get them on board to help achieve the mission and vision of the ministry.
3. Track them and follow up. Celebrate when they are in alignment and correct further if needed. Don’t allow them to go unnoticed. Keep managing and aligning the guys. After multiple attempts, if it gets to the point where they are refusing to change, it’s time to move them to another ministry.
This isn’t a fun side of ministry to men but it is a necessary one. We can’t ignore the difficult personalities in the room, or they will distract and damage the ministry. When we engage people well, we can lovingly bring correction and align them to our mission and vision.
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