What does it mean to “overcome?”
While we’re at it, what does it mean to be overcome?
We can be overcome with emotion, which means we are overwhelmed by our feelings and lose control of them. This often results in extreme outbursts of outward expressions like crying or laughing.
Likewise, we can feel overcome by lust for sexual immorality. Many men have made a habit of trading our self-control for more animalistic behavior when urges arise for sexual fantasy, pornography, masturbation, or other sexual vices.
While our hearts truly long for freedom in Christ, we are instead left feeling defeated after sin.
Overcoming lust is most easily done by letting our hearts, minds, and sex drive be “overcome” by the power of Christ.
In working with men for years in this area, I’ve seen critical differences between those who break free from sexual sin patterns and those who don’t.
Although there are more commonalities, I want to outline three essential keys to letting your sexuality be overcome by Jesus.
1. Invite Jesus Into the Problem
Do you invite Jesus into your sexual struggles? There is a difference between men who have learned to do this versus those who attempt fighting in their own strength.
Matthew 5:28 says, “…I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Sure, Jesus is speaking to earthly relationships here. But He is doing more than that. Consider that He is speaking to both married and single people, so if the single person is lusting after another single person, who is the adultery being committed against?
Jesus is reminding us here that we are in a covenant relationship with Him (Hebrews 8:1-13) and that the lust of our eyes draws us away from His satisfying presence.
Men trained in bringing the Lord into their sin become overcome by His presence and are much more likely to, therefore, overcome lust.
2. Curiosity About Our Temptation
James 1:14 tells us that “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.”
Our desires for sin reveal the longing of our hearts, often connected to unhealed pain from past traumas. These experiences usually emphasize which God-given desires (like affirmation, intimacy, and security) went unmet through being neglected or experiencing other difficult and painful situations.
Sin happens when we try to get these God-given desires met in ungodly ways.
One man recently told me that growing up, he perceived his father as demanding and unloving. As a man pursuing a marriage with his now-wife, he still chose to engage in sexual relations with another man. As if fondly reminiscing, he described the other man:
“He was willing to hear my feelings and actually sit with me without judgment. He showed me love.”
Sin happens when we try to get these God-given desires met in ungodly ways.
His temptations towards homosexuality were actually rooted in his God-given desire to be loved and heard. When the most important man in his life (his dad) stomped on his God-given desires, the dissatisfaction he felt led him to seek sinful activity in the hopes of receiving fulfillment in his heart.
However, until this man became curious about the “why” of his temptations, he wasn’t fully aware of this.
To align our heart’s desires with God’s satisfying presence is an opportunity God has given each of us men. Temptations highlight our true desires, but we must respond with curiosity rather than defeat or escapism when we feel an urge for sin.
3. Radical Honesty
James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed…”
Of the countless men I have seen experience lasting freedom from sexual vices, 100% of them have done so after choosing to be radically honest with others.
The world looks with awe at the “self-made man,” as if being self-made is real life. Nobody is a self-made man—and this is God’s design.
Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
We need to meet with other men to encourage and be encouraged in an environment with radical honesty. Taking this step is nerve-wracking but so freeing.
Nobody is a self-made man—and this is God’s design.
So many men, including myself, say, “I’ll beat porn by myself. Nobody has to know.” The problem is that we tell ourselves this for years while we continue to fail to find freedom.
Radical honesty is essential.
When we are vulnerable, we experience the peace of Jesus. Logic says that if we confess sin, others will look down on us. Time and time again, though, this has proven to be false.
Choosing to be vulnerable and radically honest removes junk from our lives so we can receive judgment-free love from God and others.
Brothers, let God’s presence overcome your heart, mind, and sexuality by inviting Him into your struggle, experiencing His satisfaction in your heart, and choosing to live in the light with others.
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