I’ve worked for Impactus for about 7 months, and I’m really happy in my new job.
(I have to say that, or else I get fired).
But seriously, I am thoroughly enjoying my new role as Content Editor, which gives me a chance to do some writing, meet and edit a lot of other amazing writers, and minister in a completely different way for me.
For the 22 years before I joined Impactus, I was a pastor.
By any stretch, that’s a solid run on one career path, and I learned some things about men along the way, and how men and pastors engage, which I’d like to share.
Here are some things that pastors want men to know:
1. The Church needs you.
This is no slam on women, who are often the faithful and crucial backbone of church life. We honour our women and are so grateful for all that they do. The majority of church volunteers are women. The majority of children’s/youth workers are women. The majority of those who show up to the prayer meetings are women. The majority of servants behind the scenes are women. The Church couldn’t function without our devoted sisters.
But serving the Church is not a female-only job – far from it, and there is a huge loss when men hold back.
The Church needs to see faithful and committed men, too, even in the less-exciting jobs, using their God-given strength to serve the Lord and His people. The Church needs to see good husbands and devoted fathers who walk with Jesus. Your attendance and financial contributions are wonderful and important – but will you step up and serve as Christ did (John 13:1-17)? Will men enter into their God-given callings? The Church is waiting for you!
2. Pastors need brothers, too.
Men need other men (Proverbs 18:24; Proverbs 27:17). As a pastor, I often felt many of my people viewed me like their doctor or dentist–a “professional” in their lives, who they appreciated, but didn’t think about much unless they needed something. Pastors don’t just work at the church; it is their spiritual family, too, and relationships can be tricky with congregants due to expectations, boundaries, and power dynamics.
Most pastors carry a level of loneliness in their role.
But the value of men connecting with your male pastors, not to talk about theology or questions or church, but just to hang out for a hockey game or a meal or a Saturday afternoon visit on the deck – to spend time with them as a brother and not a leader – is something most pastors are hungry for.
3. Criticize carefully and graciously.
No doubt any leader gets criticized, and pastors are certainly held to a higher standard and should be (1 Timothy 3:1-10; James 3:1). Criticism never surprised me as a pastor, and often I even agreed with it, but the way in which criticism came, at times, caused significant pain in my life. Men tend to be forthright, and can sometimes be thoughtlessly sharp with their words, but gentleness is needed here. By all means, raise your concerns – but consider that most men have never done the job of pastor and have no idea what it entails, and this should call us to a large degree of humility and grace when we are raising issues.
The job is much more difficult than it looks.
Don’t go around complaining behind your pastor’s back, which dishonours them and damages their reputation; sit down face-to-face, look them in the eye, and gently raise your concerns. The pastor likely needs to hear what you have to share, even if they disagree with you, but care is required in how we do it.
4. We’re stumbling along, too.
Pastors are questioning aspects of their faith, arguing their way through marital difficulties, agonizing over parenting decisions, losing sleep over money, and really, just doing the best they can to be faithful to God and serve God’s people well.
Some men elevate their pastors too high, where the pastor loses their common humanity. Others look down on their pastors, where the pastor loses the respect due their calling (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13).
But a proper approach is to view our pastors as co-labourers, not better than us, but called by God to a unique role and worthy of honour for that reason. With that, they are also equally in need of encouragement and support, just as any other believer is. As God calls us to, we should be men who seek to give that to them, making their jobs easier and not harder (Hebrews 13:17).
5. God’s work in men gives pastors reason to celebrate.
Every pastor gets excited seeing God at work in a man’s life (e.g. 2 Timothy 1:3-5). Seeing men grow in Christ, learning more about Him, leaving sin behind, serving others well, walking in strong marriages, raising healthy families, and fellowshipping with other men – these things always brought me so much joy as a pastor.
Pastors are praying for you to walk in the fullness of all that God has created you for, and they rejoice when they get to see it.
Make sure your pastor gets to see it in you, and hears the stories of what God is up to in your life! The celebration of God’s activity is a wonderful reward for pastors who endure the challenges of ministry; seek to be men who give them that gift.
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