Our experiences have a profound effect on the way we live our lives.
When it comes to our sexual pasts, these experiences can lead to us picking up beliefs that become our norm for years to come.
Sometimes, we have sexual sin in our past; some of us have experienced sexual abuse.
I have been through both.
The good news is that healing and freedom are available through Jesus.
Let’s look at how men can move on from the past and its effects on our lives.
At a recent event we were at, 81% of the men admitted in their Sexual Health Assessment that they had sexual secrets nobody knew about.
We can only experience freedom from our sexual past if we choose to live wholly in the light.
After confessing my past porn use to my wife, God did two remarkable things.
1. I learned the fullness of the depravity I had engaged in.
Romans 1:21-25 says:
“For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.”
I realized I had been living with futile thinking and a darkened, foolish heart. I had given up the truth about God and believed lies that opened the door to sin.
As I looked back at my sin, I saw many lies I had believed. I feared exposure more than fearing God. I had worshiped images of humanity rather than my Creator and I had justified it in various ways.
God then presented me with an opportunity that He presents to all of us with a sexually sinful past:
Was I going to pursue His truth and grace, or would I choose to beat myself up and forever carry the heavy weight of guilt?
2 Corinthians 7:10 says, “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.”
Was I going to pursue His truth and grace, or would I choose to beat myself up and forever carry the heavy weight of guilt?
If you realize that you regret your past sexual sins, it’s time to seek grace from God in the presence of other brothers.
This is key:
It is only through seeing the fullness of our sin and its destruction that we can fully receive the grace and mercy God offers.
Facing our sin and darkness is tough. It’s uncomfortable. But as we do this with Jesus and other men to support us, the grace and mercy we receive truly wipe away the weight of regret.
As men craving respect, we can feel that if our sin is exposed, our image will suffer. Whether that happens or not, we need to know that sexual sin and/or secrets in our lives will lead us to carry the weight of our sexual past with us forever.
Coming into the light needs to be a non-negotiable in our lives.
After confessing your sin, I encourage you to consider all the lies you believed that left the door open for sin. By learning God’s truth in the context of your sin, you can move on from immorality and its associated lies as well.
2. God showed me how early sexual exposure had impacted me.
The Lord woke me up at about 4:15 am one day and brought to mind three memories of sexual experiences I was forced into as a teenager. I had never realized until that moment that I had experienced sexual abuse. As this realization came to light, my body started shaking, and I wept and wept.
God was not just freeing me of sin but healing me of past sexual experiences that had been forced upon me.
As I journaled about these experiences, this is what I wrote:
“(She) forced herself on me and I froze. Panicked in my mind and body. The pleasure made it confusing. I liked it and hated it. The Lord told me to dump her because He loves me and had better for me (Himself and my future wife).”
After this, I journaled about my past porn use. Unintentionally, my wording was strikingly similar:
“While watching porn, I tensed up in my mind and body, but the pleasure made it confusing. I liked the pleasure but hated the shame. The Lord broke me free of porn because He loves me and has better things for me.”
In looking at our sexual pasts, it is so important to journal and process what we have experienced. Our body stores emotion, and our mind and heart carry the false beliefs we pick up. Journaling helps give words to everything going on inside us, bringing clarity and freedom as we sort through it all.
The abuse I suffered led to a pattern of escaping into situations that mirrored my abuse. Through my sexual past coming to light and seeing its effect, I could then open my heart and mind to God for His renewing work.
I have always loved the grace of God. It is something we can be so thankful for. However, if we pursue His grace without living in the light and learning the truth of how our sexual past affects us, we will always be hindered from experiencing the abundant life Jesus has for us.
Grace and truth come together in Christ; we need both to find healing and freedom from our sexual pasts (John 1:14). Praise the Lord that His truth and grace are sufficient to set us free!
* Take five minutes and take your Sexual Health Assessment here.
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