Have you ever been so embroiled in a battle against your own sexual sin that the words of Scripture just don’t seem to stick?
John 8:31-32 says: “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
I used to think, “Jesus says the truth will ‘set me free,’ but no matter how much I read Scripture, I keep going back to pornography.”
Most men with sexual brokenness, whether it’s pornography, trauma, dysfunction, or other issues, tend to either wallow in the pain or try to ignore it altogether.
However, the movement towards true freedom begins when we examine our unhealthy belief systems, which lead to deeply ingrained lies, which have either led to our sexual brokenness or landed in us as a result of it.
Once we understand these faulty beliefs, we can more effectively meet them with God’s truth.
Once we understand these faulty beliefs, we can more effectively meet them with God’s truth.
Here are four belief systems that are intricately connected to sexual brokenness—and to finding true freedom.
Beliefs about God
How does your belief about God impact your inclination to porn or masturbation? How has your addictive behavior or the trauma you’ve experienced shaped the way you view God?
Do you view Him as distant, harsh, or disappointed in you?
Maybe you’ve prayed for years for Him to help you, but your repeated struggles suggest that His presence is simply insufficient for you.
Hebrews 4:14-16 says, “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
When we identify the lies we believe that are associated with sexual brokenness, it is crucial to hold fast to the true confession of who Jesus is and meditate on that in His presence until it becomes established in your heart, replacing the lies (Romans 12:2).
Beliefs about Sex
Has porn falsely made you believe that you need a sexual experience?
For many men, being violated or abused sexually makes them feel out of control.
As a teenager, I was forced to do sexual things on three separate occasions, all of which caused me to panic and feel dirty while experiencing pleasure at the same time.
That same subtle belief system influenced my broken attempt at fighting off porn.
Morally, I didn’t want to do it, but the thought of a sexual experience caused my body to freeze, my mind to panic, and my emotions to seek pleasure. I’d be searching for pleasure through porn while telling myself I didn’t want to do it, which was exactly the belief system instilled in my heart around those sexual experiences as a teen.
The truth became more established in me when Jesus brought those memories to mind. I was able to identify the lies instilled in me in those experiences. I was then able to experience His peace in my body while thinking about those teenage incidents, helping me move past them.
What is the truth that Jesus has for you in place of the lies about sex that are associated with your sexual brokenness?
Beliefs about Others
One abused man developed a hatred towards people who reminded him of his abuser. Another experienced intense and paradoxical sexual urges every time he saw a man who resembled his perpetrator.
God designed sexual activity to draw husbands and wives to each other in the most physically intimate way (Genesis 2:24). Unfortunately, sexual perversion distorts that intimacy and inevitably creates an ungodly view of other people.
Often, though, we aren’t even aware of our distortion since it has become our norm.
I remember a 16-year-old boy saying that pornography wrecked every relationship he had. He was constantly sexualizing women. At the same time, he felt he couldn’t measure up to what he saw men doing on screen, so he felt inferior in male friendships as well.
Consider your view of other people. Has it been influenced by sexual perversion? Has your view of others made you cope with porn or opened the door to violate others?
1 John 2:10 says, “Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble.”
This verse gives us a mirror that we can look into to see God’s truth. Do we truly love others as God does, or is there still a distorted view of others that will make us stumble into darkness? Meditate on truths like this until God’s work renewing your mind is complete.
Beliefs about Ourselves
Lastly, what do we believe about ourselves?
God made men to be warriors. To be “more than conquerors in Him” and to be productive in life (Genesis 2:15; Romans 8:37). Ongoing struggles with sexual brokenness often make us feel weak, defeated, and incapable of overcoming hardships.
We might believe in our hearts that we are bad fathers, loving our wives poorly, and insufficient as leaders. Honestly, there may be some truth there when we are engaging in sexual sin.
However, that is not truly who God says we are.
Knowing in our hearts what He truly says about us will set us free from sexual brokenness and the destructive lies associated with it.
As men, let’s dig into our belief systems and let the truth of His Word resonate in our hearts. His truth really does set us free.
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