I am amazed at how many guys are not great at dating! How do I know this? OK, I will admit that I do not have statistical evidence to support my theory. What I do have is over twenty years of working with men who have told me horror stories about how their daughter can never find “a good man.”
Full disclosure, I am a father of four kids. My two oldest boys were married in 2019 and our two youngest are in dating relationships right now. I have one daughter who has had one boyfriend for several years now. What I am about to share is not because I am completely up to date on everything you are facing in the dating world. It is the perspective of a dad who has some experience and wants to help you have successful dating relationships.
Respect Her
Dating is about getting to know a person – what they are like and how they think and feel. It is about discovering who you are in relation to that individual. This means that you need to respect her because she is an individual made in the image of God, just like you are.
Part of respecting her is also respecting the people who are close to her. She has family and friends, and it is important that you understand how important those people are to her. Your attitude and actions towards her are going to impact more people than her.
Dating is designed to help us find the person we want to marry
Another part of respecting her is knowing when to break up the relationship or when to take the next step towards marriage. One of the conversations I have always had with my kids is this: dating is designed to help us find the person we want to marry. If, at any time, you reach a point where you do not see yourself getting married to this person – then do everyone a favor and move on. You will help free up your time and your wallet, and free her up to not waste her time with a guy who has no interest in a long-term relationship with her. Side note: You are not respecting her if you break up via text message.
Deal With Your Junk
The chances are strong that you have a history of using pornography and/or other sexual activities. You also may be dealing with a whole bunch of other insecurities, anxieties, etc.
The girl you want to date is not there to fulfill your sexual fantasies. In fact, the things you have seen in porn are not at all a reflection of what it means to learn to make love to a woman. Sexual intimacy is very different than porn intimacy.
There is a reason why God wants sexual intimacy to wait until a marriage relationship because it was always designed to be so much more than the act of sex. If you get this wrong, then you run the high chance of hurting her, yourself, and so many others around you. If you need help in this area, then I encourage you to check out restoredministries.ca or drdougweiss.com.
The woman you are dating was not created to fill the empty spaces in your life. It is unfair for you to expect her to be everything for you. She is not God. If you have other anxieties or insecurities, then please speak with a pastor or Christian counselor.
Take Responsibility
Take some responsibility for the health of your relationship. Plan out dates where you can have some fun together, take the initiative to send her encouraging notes or text messages, and (if she likes flowers) buy her flowers every once in a while for no other reason than to invest in your relationship.
The most important area to take responsibility for is your spiritual growth. A lot of guys don’t understand how God designed our walk with him to be the best way we will ultimately bring life to others. The closer you are walking with Jesus, the more you will become a man who is filled with love, joy, peace, gentleness, etc. The greatest gift you will bring to your relationships is the gift of being a man shaped by Jesus. Invest time and energy by being part of a church community, reading the Bible, praying, and hanging out with Christian guys.
Impactus has some tools to help you with this. Explore and bookmark the website, subscribe to different resources, and keep training yourself to be a godly man.
Bottom Line
One of the greatest gifts my daughter ever gave to me was the day she said she waited to date because I set such a high standard for the kind of man she wanted to build a relationship with.
One day, if God allows, you will be a dad to a beautiful daughter who you love more than you can possibly describe or understand. Today, be the type of guy you would want your own daughter to date.
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